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Why was I so emotional when first pursuing Torah? Video Series 1 of 6


When you first enter this journey of following Torah there can be a lot of emotions. You are not alone. This video series is just for you. Jenn takes you along with her journey being new to walking and pursuing Torah.



Shalom sisters and welcome to pursuing Torah. I am so excited to have this opportunity to share my journey with you as I pursue the Torah lifestyle. This is blog one of six in this series that I hope will encourage you in some areas that you may be struggling as someone who is also new to Torah. I wanted to use this platform to share with you all that I have encountered as Jehovah has moved me towards true obedience and just grabbed my heart. I know when I started this journey, I felt so many emotions and I hope that sharing my experiences will help others to know that they're not alone on this journey. One thing I have learned that most women who have come into this have experienced very similar things. So in each of the six of logs in the pursuing Torah series, I'm going to ask and answer a question for you and today, the question is why was I so emotional when I first came to Torah and for many of us, we will go through a series of emotions. When we're first awakened on this journey, we are awakened to what is really in the word. It's when we realize all we've been doing in the past was not the full story and not the full truth. We may feel emotions like we were deceived. We could be angry, we could feel confused. I'm sure there are many others but sister, I want you to know something. You're not alone. I have been there and in some ways I'm still there for me. The most obvious emotion was confusion with some anger sprinkled in. I remember thinking, how can I be sure that this is real? If what I thought before I believed was real. I remember feeling a lot of chaos in my head and confusion as if I didn't understand how to connect what I knew then with what I know now what do I keep and what do I throw away? That little bit of anger that was sprinkled in stemmed primarily from the inability of others to understand and support me. It was from feeling like I was outcast and alone from some of my more traditional social circles. I also felt a little kind of frustrated or bewildered. I wouldn't call it angry that others could not see what I was seeing because it felt so obvious. I ask questions like, why didn't he just wake up the whole world? He could, why did he choose me? And the journey may not always make sense. I think we need to remember that. I remember telling myself in the beginning that the most high is a god of order. He is not a God of chaos. And Isaiah 55:89 says for my thoughts are not your thoughts in your ways are not my ways. I leaned on that verse a bit in the beginning, meaning I told myself He didn't owe me an explanation. It is easy to feel angry or confused, but I would encourage you to stop and consider that this was a gift that you were given. And instead of feeling angry or negative emotions, praise him. Praise him because he chose you. And I want to be practical, very practical person at heart and I want us to reason together about a couple of things that might help to settle our emotions as we begin this journey First recognize his timing is perfect Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, and and I has made everything suited to its time also. He has given us an awareness of eternity, but in such a way that we can't fully comprehend from beginning to end, all the things He has done, there's actually a lot packed in there. But even just taking the first part of that verse that he has made everything suited to its time. We have to remember that our Elohim does not make mistakes and we all have a very specific journey to travel. He is the one that gets to order our steps and we must give honor to His timing and that secondly, we have to recognize that our heart and mind must be willing. So Ephesians 4:23 says, put off your old self being corrupted according to the desires of deceit and be renewed in the spirit of your mind. I believe He chose me and probably chose you for the reason that you are a willing vessel with an open heart and an open mind. And it was this time, it was this season where you were most open to really hearing what He had for you 3rd. We must be prepared with spiritual stamina because sister. This walk is not for the faint of heart, it can cause us to be isolated separate us from friends or family. And that's not easy if He called you. It's because of two things. Your heart in your mind were open to what he had for you. He had a plan and you were prepared with the physical stamina needed. So be reminded that even though the journey is hard, He knows you can do it. He's with you. Here's where I found comfort in Luke. Chapter 24. So if you're not familiar, the disciples have been walking with Yeshua for 3.5 years. They literally heard his voice got to be one on one with his teachings and they witnessed miracles, But it says in verse 45 and then He opened their eyes to the scriptures. So this is kind of how I viewed this purse when they started their journey, they could only take in so much, they were fishermen to disciple or for some of them fishermen to disciple, there was much to learn and they had to have a transformation, progress, transformation process. Their walk had to be a very specific dedicated journey. They had 3.5 years walking with Him and apparently if we understand the scripture correctly, there was a lot they did not understand fully until right before He ascended and then He said, He will open their eyes to the fullness of the scriptures that speaks to the three points. I talked about where He knows first, His timing is perfect, He knows when our heart and mind is ready, and He knows when we'll have the spiritual stamina, that we will have that ability to take on this calling. So I just want to encourage you as you're feeling a plethora of emotions again, to sit back and praise the most high that He chose you to know that you do have a community here at the cafe, um, where we care about you and we want you to be nourished and fed and understand that you're not walking alone. So I hope that you will continue to follow the rest of the series, the pursuing tour, a series. And if you have any comments or questions, we encourage you to put them in the comments below.


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